You're Not Finished

#YNF EP02 - The Intro, Pt. 2 + Self-Care

April 07, 2021 Brittany Franklin Season 1 Episode 2
You're Not Finished
#YNF EP02 - The Intro, Pt. 2 + Self-Care
Show Notes Transcript

Brittany explains why YNF went MIA for 7 years & the importance of self-care. 

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Speaker 1:

[inaudible]

Speaker 2:

What's up, everybody. Welcome back to the urinal finished podcast. Um , because I'm weird. I'm not really sure how to have a smooth transition from the intro to, what's going to be the main point of today's episode. So I'm just going to go ahead and jump right in. But if you want to know more about, you're not finishing in general and what to expect for future episodes, go ahead and listen to last week's episode,

Speaker 3:

Or you can head over to www dot you're not finished.com. I also want to give a quick trigger warning today. Um, I will be talking about either in detail or briefly mentioning mental health, suicide ideation and addiction. So if those topics cause you any kind of mental or emotional distress, please feel free to not listen. And if you need any help or support, visit the get help section@unrfinish.com or you can call +1 800-273-8255. If you're having thoughts of suicide. So as I mentioned last week , um, you're not finished and I'll go ahead and reference this as Y and F going forward. Um, Y and F was created in February of 2012. It was active for about two years, and then I just stopped everything. No more social media posts, guest articles, no more going to events, speaking engagements, nothing. Um, I went through some pretty significant transitional moments prior to the point of stopping everything. Okay. So as I mentioned last week, you're not finished and I'll go ahead and reference that as Y and F going forward. Um, why an F was created in February, 2012, it was active for two years, and then I completely stopped everything. No more social media posts, guests articles, speaking engagements, no more going to events, literally nothing. I had went through some pretty significant transitional moments prior to the point of me stopping everything in spite of me being able to start and continue. Why enough for the time that I did, I had been abusing alcohol prior to that point, since 2006. And I continued struggling with alcoholism until June 16th of 2013, which I highly enough was my 27th birthday. That's the day I quit drinking cold Turkey. And a couple of days later, I quit my job. And then I basically became a hermit. Um, I really just needed to figure out who I actually was. I became someone who always needed to be around people. I couldn't stand being alone. I always wanted to be the life of the party. Just kind of like that extroverted personality , uh that's who I was back then. Um, but without the root of it all , I really just wanted to be everything to everyone because in my mind, if I was everything to everyone, maybe people wouldn't abandon me or maybe people wouldn't give up on me because I'm always around constantly reminding them that I'm valuable. Um, and if, if they know I'm valuable, then obviously they're not going to give up on me. Right. But I had to realize that thinking that way and having that belief was completely irrational, completely unhealthy, completely toxic. Um, and when I quit drinking, that's when I realized how bad that was, because really I was losing myself at the risk of gaining companionship and some sense of security in my relationships and in my friendships. The other thing with that is I was hella co-dependent , which is of no value to anybody. So at the end of the day, the purpose of me taking a step backwards was me wanting to become better to myself so that I could become better to others. I had to learn about the value of silence, how to properly deal with some things I had to learn how to enjoy my own company. And I had to learn how to stop hating myself, which if I'm honest, sometimes that does still seem to come up every now and again, it's definitely not nearly as much as it used to though. And I'm just thankful to God that I'm in therapy working through that stuff right now. So during that quiet time or that time of reflection, I went through physical therapy since I was on disability and not able to work in a full capacity for a little bit. Um, and then I went and got involved with a Christian organization that was offering a school or a course that was designed to help people hear the voice of God and be engaged with God through the prophetic gifting or the spirit of prophecy now, because of the purpose of this podcast, I'm not going to really go into spiritual gifts and stuff like that. But to quickly explain what prophetic means in Christian circles or at least what it's supposed to mean. It's basically the ability to accurately hear and speak the word and will of God and that word, and will of God lines up with scripture, at least it's supposed to , um , again, that is not the purpose of this podcast. So I'm not going to go any more into depth about that. Um, but just to just so, you know, what it means, that's what it is. Anyway, going back to what I was talking about , um, I would not call my experience with that organization. I was part of an entire waste of time or entirely terrible because I did meet some pretty cool people or whatever that I assume my friends to this day. Um, but to put it very mildly , um, it was a partially terrible almost waste of time. I'll say that , um, um, for the record I will never name this organization. Um , but in a later episode, I will use the experiences that I had in this organization to talk about spiritual abuse, biblical error, and how all of that takes a toll on your mental health. And now that episode will most likely be applicable to Christians only, but it won't be for Christians only because it can serve as a purpose for those interested in Christianity and kind of give some insight on what to avoid. A little piece of advice that I give for now is never pay a person or an organization to teach you how to operate in any spiritual gift that is freely given. And just so you know, all spiritual gifts as it pertains to Christianity are freely given. So, yeah. Anyway, sorry about that. I went on a mini tangent there, but a long story short, at least for that portion. Um, I went through like a period of solitude and got some peace, which I hadn't felt for years. Um, I had also gotten into songwriting and creating music, and then I went back to work after I was well enough to do it in 2015 or beginning of 2016, because I have the worst memory in the world. I wouldn't be able to tell you what job I had. I just remember it being hard to adjust to working again. Uh , but once I got used to it, that school helping my mom with being a caregiver for my aunt and music were the only things really focused on. I said that like, that wasn't a lot . Um, but that is a lot to focus on. And because I felt really overwhelmed with those things, why, and F was just pushed all the way to the side. Um, I also believed in my mind that because I was still struggling very heavily with depression, suicide ideation, anxiety, and another addiction that I won't mention now, but I'll commit an entire episode to later on. Um, I believed that I wasn't qualified to run a mental health website or write blogs or get a community together. Um, I would sometimes pop in and post something on social media maybe once or twice a year, but nothing was ever consistent. So fast forward to 2018 when a lot of stuff happened pretty much at the same time or really close together. Um, I finally severed all ties with that Christian organization, which you think would have been liberating, but it really took me a while to get to that point. Um, uh , my aunt, who I was very close with and even am named after , uh, passed away, which was very traumatic for my mom and I especially. Um, and then I was ghosted by a very close friend after an argument I'm describing that last point kinda lightly, but honestly, because that friendship ended the week after I lost my aunt, that that was probably just nail on the coffin for me, it was really devastating because it felt like it felt like two deaths. You can say even three, if you count the end of my time at that organization, because the expectations I had and the reality that actually happened were two totally different things. Um, I guess you can call it the death of a dream. So because of all that, I really left wine F alone and have been taking the last two and a half years to just heal and focus on myself. I won't factor in COVID as a setback for wine F because even though COVID-19 definitely has affected all of us mentally and a lot of us physically, I even had COVID myself at the end of last year. Um, you're not finishes primarily been a digital resource that could have continued if not for my own personal issues. So that is why, why an F has been Mia for seven years and while a lot of things have happened during that time, I'm just really glad that I have this chance to start something different with it and to be well enough to continue the purpose of it. Um, the biggest lesson that I've learned about the things that I've experienced throughout that time is that you absolutely cannot be the best version of yourself. If you do not care for yourself, you might be functional or functioning, which I have been for what, 30, 30 plus years now. Um, you know, prior to me caring for myself and stuff, but , um, the end of the day, you're not going to be able to put your best effort into anything because you're not operating with your fullest potential. So it's like if you keep pouring yourself out and pouring yourself out and giving yourself away without being filled up or recharged or , uh , receiving anything, then you're definitely going to burn out to put it another way. Like you're just starving yourself. And if he keeps starving yourself, you're going to lose yourself and you might even be killing yourself at the end of the day, just to get through each day just to survive. And no one should live like that. Um, it took me a while to realize that, but no one, absolutely no one should live like that. So it's important to take care of yourself and make time for yourself in healthy ways, whether that means taking a sick day, going to therapy, exercising, listening to music, whatever that means to you and not doing those things, makes you more likely to engage in things or substances that might feel good, or bring pleasure or relief in the moment. Um, but actually do more harm in the long run , um, in the grand scheme of things, not taking care of yourself, not only hurts you, but it hurts the people around you as well. I know all about that through the addictions that I've had in the harm I've done to myself, but now I find myself doing art and listening to music and going on a drive and just doing whatever I need to do in order to unwind and care for myself. I still sometimes forget to do this. Um, but as I make it a habit, I realized how much it has changed the quality of my life for the better. And I know if it works for somebody like me, it can definitely work for you too. So if you struggle with making time for yourself and taking care of yourself, I would encourage all of you guys listening to take anywhere from about an hour to the whole day. And just to sit down and make a list of things you like to do or would like to do that, you know, would bring you peace of mind and would encourage you to keep moving forward and making the best of each day. And then after that commit to doing one or more of those things once a week or the next month, depending on what it is, and as long as it's safe and healthy. So I know that every day isn't going to be a good one because that is just life. But I also know that caring for ourselves and meaningful ways will make those bad days, just a little bit easier to endure. Anyway, that's all for this week's episode. I really hope that you have enjoyed these first two kind of intro episodes. And from this point on, I'm really going to dive into some serious topics. So just to give you a heads up next week, I'm going to talk about porn addiction from a female perspective. Now engaging with that

Speaker 2:

Is damaging to yourself, your mental health and your relationships, and give some tips and insight on how to get through it. Thank you so much for listening to the first two episodes so far, just giving wine a chance. I really hope this is helpful to you guys, and I'm looking forward to next week.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible] .