#YNF EP16 - The Obsession with Narcissism

In this episode, Brittany talks about why narcissism just won't go away and what we can do to defend ourselves against narcissist people/behaviors. 

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:12

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the year I finished podcast. My name is Brittany Franklin, and I'm the host of this podcast. And I am excited to be back on whatever she, you platform you're listening on for this month's episode today, we're gonna be talking about a subject that people seem to be extremely interested in to the point of obsession as of late. And that's probably because they resonate with it a lot, maybe. Um, and that is narcissism. I'm sure that there are many people out there who have Googled stuff like is my boyfriend a narcissist is my parent. A narcissist is whatever celebrity or well known figure a narcissist. And I'm sure they have valid reasons for doing so. The problem is the term narcissist is becoming so overused that I'm not sure we actually know who is or isn't one. Not only that, I'm not sure anyone should be out here, self diagnosing or labeling someone else as a narcissist or labeling someone as having narcissistic personality disorder unless they are licensed to do so and are actually diagnosing someone they're treating. So what is a narcissist by definition? It's a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves or needs admiration believes others are inferior and lacks. See for others and narcissistic personality disorder as described by Mayo clinic is similar in that they say the disorder is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships and lack of empathy for others. Narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work school or financial affairs. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they're not given the special favor or admiration that they believe they deserve. They may find their relationships unfulfilling and others may not enjoy being around them. Symptoms of the disorder include expecting to be recognized as superior, even without achievements that warrant it exaggerating achievements and talents, taking advantage of others to give what they want, monopolizing conversations and belittling, or looking down upon people that they perceive as inferior, having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others, or again, lack of empathy. Having secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability, and humiliation, and again, having trouble with receiving or handling perceived or actual criticism and trouble, meaning like reacting with rage or becoming moody or depressed. Those are just a very few symptoms of the disorder. And I will link the Mayo clinic article and the YouTube description. If you like more info, if you subscribe to the Christian belief, you know that there are certain biblical characters who display behavior like this such as Jezebel, Saul, and hared, for example, and the apostle Paul in second Timothy three talks about who people will become in the last days. And he says, men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, Boers proud last femurs, disobedience parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving slanderers, without self control, brutal despisers of good traders, headstrong Hotty of pleasure, rather than lovers of God and having a form of godliness, but denying its power and from such people turn away. Now, obviously the apostle Paul is describing much more than the narcissistic personality disorder, but those narcissistic traits are described in that at first. So I'm not gonna lie. I recently got caught up in watching how to avoid narcissists or signs of narcissistic behaviors and disorder videos, to the point where I'm still getting recommended videos from Dr. Romney on YouTube. For those of you who don't know who she is, she has an entire YouTube channel devoted to exposing narcissistic behaviors and is also a main contributor to a YouTube channel called med circle, which provides interviews, tips, and education surrounding a variety of mental health and mood disorders as well. Those channel are good to watch if that interests you, but I would recommend not getting too bogged down on the information because there's a lot of information that they provide. I also wanna remind you, if you do watch these videos, not to self-diagnose or start linking videos to people in your life who you think these videos might apply to, but these are good resources. So I would go ahead to link them in the description. If you're listening on YouTube. Anyway, I was watching these videos so much to the point where I was actually becoming triggered by the information in these videos, because I have, you know, prior experiences with people who have displayed those traits. I'm not sure if they were diagnosed with any disorder, but I've worked for this kind of person I've been close to these kind of people. And so after watching these videos, narcissism was all I could think about for a while. And after coming to the conclusion that I was watching these videos too much, I actually realized that I've lived my life in protection mode, always looking for what to avoid to the point where I sometimes am not able to fully enjoy the relationships that are safe or it's come to the point where I've at times become less understanding of the things that are just genuine flaws that people are working on. Or these people might not even be aware of these things that might be harmful or hurtful, but would likely work on them. If they knew about it. I also put myself in the position to victimize my myself and not see my own flaws that I need to work on because I was so busy looking for what to avoid. The main point I'm trying to make is I believe constantly watching, reading, or listening to things that relate to the negative experiences that you've had can actually be retraumatizing. And that could lead to allowing your past traumatic experiences to dictate and negatively affect your current thoughts or behaviors or your quality of life overall. So based on what you can handle, absorb the information that you get in moderation live freely and set healthy boundaries in order to limit your interactions with people who display those toxic and unhealthy behaviors, then move forward and do your best. Not to display those behaviors yourself, or get help for yourself if you need it. And I'll be working on that too. I don't like just throw that out there. Like I don't need to do that. Like I will be working on this with you if this applies to you. So here's the thing about narcissism. And actually I would say many, if not all other mental health or mood disorders, everything in the mental health field is so nuanced and complicated human behavior and relationships are co complicated beliefs about what is considered good and bad behavior are changing depending on the setting or circumstances as time progresses, which makes things complicated. Researchers and professionals are still discovering things about human behavior. And although we have the DS as a guide for diagnosis, DSM, for those who don't know stands for diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. But even though we still have that as a guide, it's still hard to pinpoint, especially if we're deeply involved with or connected to someone who might exhibit those behaviors. And especially if we've experienced trauma in the past that inclines us to remain connected to people who might not be very good for us. And the DSM has even been modified as new information is discovered and beliefs about certain things have changed over time. So honestly, while I think we do well by educating ourselves on behaviors to avoid, I think we do better by turning the mirror on ourselves. In addition to that, in order to make sure that who we do not wanna be connected to isn't who we eventually become. If you subscribe to Christianity, you can lift them up in prayer and set boundaries as well. My good friend actually reminded me of a verse in first Corinthians that says, do not be deceived bad company, corrupts, good character. And that's so true. You really have to set those boundaries in order to make sure that your own character and who you wanna be, isn't corrupted. And that could be scary, you know, because you want to not offend people or you really want certain people in your life, or that could be scary for a number of reasons, but I believe it actually empowers us to choose our surroundings wisely in order to be able to finish the journey we have on this earth. Well, so I'm gonna keep it short as usual and end it here. I really hope that that info that I shared was helpful and encouraging to you. If you need additional resources for mental health addiction and suicide prevention, head over to www.you are not finished and click the get help section. If you wanna share your story or journey as someone with a diagnosed mental health or mood disorder. And you're okay with that being shared publicly or anonymously on the Y F website, shoot me an email to you are not finished@gmail.com. Make sure to follow me on Twitter at Y in finished and on Instagram at Y and F cast to stay up to date on the latest episodes and for more encouraging content. Also, don't forget to rate the cast on apple or Facebook, if you love it. Thanks so much. And I appreciate you for listening. Hope you have a great day and finish well, bye.